Love in the marriage has three dimensions to it. The first dimension is that of dependence. This happens to most people. In such a relationship, the husband and wife are extremely dependent on each other. In such a relationship, the husband and wife slowly start to exploit each other, dominate each other and become possessive of each other. Finally, they reduce each other to a mere commodity. This is true in 99% cases throughout this world. In such cases, marriage, which is supposed to open the gates to heaven, instead opens the gates to hell. The second dimension refers to the love between two independent personalities. This is a very rare scenario, but unfortunately, even this leads to misery. This is because they are both so independent that they are unwilling to compromise and adjust with each other.
These personalities are mostly found amongst artists, thinkers and other such related areas. These are eccentric people, and they tend to give so much freedom to the other that it almost seems like indifference rather than freedom. Thereby the relationship remains very superficial. This is because, they are afraid to go deeper into each other, given that they attach more significance to their own independence than to the love between them. The third dimension is that of inter-dependence. In this extremely rare dimension, a portion of paradise drops into their lives. In this relationship, the husband and wife are neither dependent nor independent.
However, there is tremendous synchronicity and oneness in the relationship. These three dimensions are not something specific to certain groups of people but are the stages through which a relationship goes as it matures. The relationship in which the husband and wife are inter-dependent is that of love. Only such a relationship can be called as love, and this truly is spirituality. The first and second relationships conform only to social, psychological, or physical arrangements. The first and second dimensions are that of "need love" while the third dimension is that of "gift love". In the first and second dimensions, it is not real love, as it is a state of one dominating the other.
One must inevitably lose the individuality in the process of one dominating the other. In such relationships, human beings are unloving, loving only in superficial appearance, but this is false love. To enhance a relationship, you need not become dependent or independent, but just understand that one becomes complete only because of the other. This love of inter-dependence is what leads to paradise. You need to understand these stages and must not try to escape from the other. To establish a relationship of the third dimension, you need to base respect as the foundation of love. Such a foundation will rise only from wisdom.
So, children, marry when you are ready. Marry when you are ready to accommodate another in your heart. Marry only when you are ready to provide space for the other to grow in a space that is meditative, and not merely physical. Such a meditative space is spiritual. Marriage enhances your presence because of the presence of your partner. It is being together tremendously even when you are alone. It is where you have freedom and you are tremendously alone and yet are so much together. This kind of oneness does not destroy your individuality. You call marriage as sacred then.
Isn't life after marriage sacred? Isn't love sacred? Isn't the life partner sacred? You must indeed feel that life after marriage is sacred, love as sacred and most importantly, the life-partner as sacred. In a marriage, feel that the other will make you complete. Love is not an emotion or a talent or a passion. Love is part of eternity. Love is a very deep understanding.
Everyone cannot be Michelangalo or Picasso or Tagore in expressing love, but anyone is capable of this eternal love.
